Best Facebook Jokes

454

Get the most popular and new Facebook Jokes statuses and quotes so that you can easily make fun by sharing these quotes with your friends. You can also tag theses quotes. Status3K is providing the best and updated statuses. Get it now.

Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.

I don’t always lose my phone but when I do its always on silent

Google+ is the gym of social networking. We all join, but nobody actually uses it.

Don’t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain’t.

FACT: Kissing burns 5.4 calories a minute…… Ummm, wanna work out?

Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you? Girlfriend: It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?

I’m not stalker. I am an unpaid private investigator.

Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone’s mouth while they are talking?

How to sleep faster: Decorate your bedroom to look like a classroom.

I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.

I have a date tonight, with my bed. We are totally gonna sleep together.

I did in the bed. I did it on the couch. I did it in the car. Texting is such an obsession.

Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in a cafeteria at a MENTAL HOSPITAL.

Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat. The government hates competition.

Congratulations … You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.

I love it when someone’s laugh is funnier than the joke.

Laughing is the best medicine but if you are laughing for no reason, you need medicine.

Dear parents, we know money doesn’t grow on trees, that’s why we are asking you for it.

If you can’t Change a Girl…. Change the Girl.

A fast beating heart doesn’t always mean Love… A blushing face is not always a sign that your in love… Sometimes huboGLANG! HAHAH

We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… after I finish laughing

When your GF blocks u on facebook…… It’s called an electronic divorce

Brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Death is God’s way of saying you are fired. Suicide is human’s way of saying, I quit.

Status I didn’t fall down, I attacked the floor.

I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them.

Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up.

My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners!

I hate when skinny girls say,” omg I’m so fat”. If you are fat does that make me a whale?

Doctors finally figured out what’s wrong with a girl’s brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left.

My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. Lolz

There are two types of human beings found on Facebook. One who gets enormous amount of likes and comments on their posts. And the others are men.

Instead of single as a marital status, it should read independently, owned and operated

I never let my best friend do stupid things … alone.

Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother? My name is Paul.

Dear Google: They are only using you to get to me. Sincerely Wikipedia

I’m Not Anti-Social I’m Anti Idiot!

I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life, if I die next Tuesday.

Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother? My name is Paul.

I forgot to post on Facebook I was going to the gym. Now this whole workout was a waste of time.

If people could see the face I make when I read their facebook status updates, they would probably unfriend me.

We love Facebook but we hate the face of book.

The real reason women live longer than men b’coz they don’t have to live with women.

Whatever you do always give 100%…. Unless you are donating blood

I really need a day in between Saturday and Sunday

Question of the Day: When you wait for a waiter in a restaurant, aren’t you a waiter?

Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.

Today’s Joke! A Girl said… TRUST ME

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it’s still printing.

Facebook is like a fridge. Even when u know there’s nothing new going on, u still go on & check it every 10 minute.

Dear math, I’m not therapist so solve your own problems.

The 3 fastest means of communication: telephone, television and tell a woman.

Free Beauty Advice for Girls… if you want A good profile picture for your facebook profile… Without wrinkles without pimples without dark Marks Use “Adobe Photoshop”

Brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

My age is very inappropriate for my behaviour…

It’s not true that I had nothing ON…. The radio was ON.

There are only two kinds of people in this world: Doctors and Patients

It’s ok to talk to yourself, it’s even ok to answer yourself… But when you ask yourself to repeat what you just said- you have a problem!

Being popular on facebook is like sitting at the cool table in a cafeteria at a mental hospital!!

When I die I want my body to donate for research, but more specifically to a scientist who is working on bringing dead bodies back to life.

Facebook is like a fridge. you keep checking it, but there’s nothing good.

I wonder what happens when doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.

A man died and sent to Heaven. God was surprised to see his Heart still beating… God asked him, how come? The man replied, “I’m Dead but my Wife still lives in my Heart”.

Job interview: Please tell us why you’d love to work for us? ME: I need money

Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1: Hold down the Shift key 2: Press the number 4 four times. It’s that easy.

Behind every successful status update there is Ctrl +c & ctrl +V …

Why is Facebook like Jail? “You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don’t really know!”

At late night wife’s mobile beeps. Husband checks her mobile and gets angry. He wakes his wife. Husband (angrily): Who is the person saying beautiful? Surprised wife checks her mobile. Wife (double angrily): Heyyy.. Use your spectacles. it is not beautiful. it is battery full…

Viagra is now available in powder form to put in your tea. It does not enhance your performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft. Lolz

I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.

A boy commented on his Facebook status Happy New Year The girl wrote in comments Same to you The boy edited the status to – I love you!!!

We are the WTF generation: Wikipedia, Twitter and Facebook.

Teacher: Tell me the name of any Microsoft Product? Bunty: MS Excel Lucky: MS Word Bittu: MS PowerPoint… Santa after thinking a lot, “MS Dhoni” tongue emoticon

What is facebook????? its a place where boy posts joke, gets no responses & if girl posts the same joke, gets 150 likes & 56 friend requests!!!!

A fast beating heart doesn’t always mean love…. A blushing face is not always a sign that your in love…. Sometimes huboG lang!! Hahahaha

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth… After that, everything else was Made in China.

I’m not sure how much longer I can hide the fact that I’m a robot.

Before you take me away, i just want to update my profile picture….

Hi Sweetie how was schook Today?? you can read all about it on my facebook DAD!!!

How to make a woman go mmmmmmm all night long? …………………….. with Duct Tape