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I haven’t slept for ten days, b’coz that would be too long.
Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
I heard you took an IQ test and they said your results were negative.
Is there a rehab for Facebook addiction?
Stealing other people’s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Insert coin to view my status messages.
It’s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who’s in a hurry?
If vegetarians eat only vegetables, what about humanitarians?
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
Just finished deleting some friends on Facebook, if you can read this then you got lucky.
Did anyone ever notice that “STUDYING” is a mixture of STUDY and DYING?
My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
My Wi-Fi suddenly stop working then I realised that my neighbours have not paid the bill. How irresponsible people are.
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
A hot secretary came angrily out Of boss cabin. Her colleague asked: What Happened? You went inside in a happy mood. She replied: He asked me are you free tonight? I said absolutely free. That bastard gave me 45 pages to type!
You wanna see a perfect relationship? Watch a movie. Lolz
I don’t understand how Super Mario can smash blocks with his head but dies when he touches a turtle.
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Dear Facebook, just wait, one day they will leave you too. Sincerely, ORKUT
You have lot of curves and I have no brakes
Hey, you have eyes, I have eyes, we have a lot in common!
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
I never make the same mistake twice. Three, four times maybe. But never twice.
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It’s not fair that some men should be happier than others.
Sometimes at home I talk in my sleep, but at school I sleep while others are talking.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
Taking revenge is wrong… very very wrong… But very very fun…
Never make the same mistake twice. There are so many new ones to make.
You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.
Insert coin to view my status message.
I think my neighbour just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet.
My friend wants to know if you think I’m hot.
Why do U think I SMS You? Is it because I care? Or I miss You? Or I love You? Or I need You? No! It’s because I need a person for just time pass.
You don’t realise how many clothes you have, until you wash them.
Ladies first. Pretty ladies’ sooner.
Excuse me, if I go straight this way, will I be able to reach your heart?
I want you to have a candle-lit dinner and say those magical three words to you ………… “Pay The bill”
Good friends will bail you out of jail. Best friends will be sitting in the cell with you, laughing about how awesome that just was.
I promised my friends that I wouldn’t date bad girls anymore.
Bitch also stands for beautiful, intelligent, talented and charming human being.
I never get mad when i see my ex with someone else because i was always taught to recycle my old trash.
Facebook is the adult way of having imaginary friends.
Lary is wondering if they could invent a self-cleaning oven, why can’t they invent a
Perfect boyfriend : Does not drink, does not smoke, does not cheat and also Does not exist
Men are like buses. One comes every 15 minutes.
Please help the homeless. Take me home with you.
If Facebook is like dating, then Twitter is like a one-night stand – it’s fun while you’re doing it, you finish in like 5 minutes, and you feel real cheap afterwards.
Facebook is the second most popular word that starts with ‘F’ and ends with ‘K’
Facebook, because time isn’t going to kill itself.
If at first you don’t succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie!
I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.
Men are like parking spaces; The good ones are taken, and the only ones left are handicapped.