New Christmas Facebook status and quotes

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New Christmas status and quotes

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Merry Christmas

Now it’s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.

I wasn’t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.

The worst thing about finding out Santa isn’t real is that you realise it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents

Right now a FedEx driver is drop-kicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.

Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.

This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingle.

Christmas came early this year! My neighbour just upgraded our internet speed… I mean his internet speed. Or whatever…

To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present…. They are due back at the library today.

Well, the people outside are frightful.

If Jesus is the reason for the season……. why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?

Holidays are a lot of fun until you realise you’ve been dating the ugly sister

Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes…you know, anymore, there’s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas…

If Santa’s helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?

My Christmas tree smells like pine, and is hanging from the shift lever in my car.

I’ll be a morning person when it’s Christmas.

I don’t always cut down a fresh Christmas tree. But when I do, I pick the best one in my neighbour’s yard

I’m only a morning person on December 25th

After spending most of Sunday wrapping presents I’ve decided next year everyone gets square present

Don’t tell me I have to say “Happy Holidays” so nobody gets offended. I will “Merry Christmas” the sh!t out of you.

My elf name may be Pinkie McWhiskertickles, but I can still take you in an Easy Bake oven competition.

I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap… it’s like two gifts in one!!

For Christmas I just want summer…

So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.

Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I’m going to need those back.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.

Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.

Oh the weather outside is delightful, the balance on my account is frightful, what happened to all of my dough, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know…

It’s not the holiday season unless you push your body to the brink of alcoholism and diabetes.

Do i have to tell you again you ARE ON THE NAUGHTY LIST

Is like a Candy Cane – sweet but very twisted

Has just been kidnapped by a fat man in a red suit and put in a bag, ALRIGHT! FESS UP! Who put me on their Christmas list?

Remember Christmas is a time for giving, so give generously, I accept credit cards, checks and cash.

But I heard them exclaim as they drove out of sight, “Merry Christmas to all and to all a Bud Light!”

I’ve checked it twice, and I’m sure you’re on my “naughty” list.

Dear Santa,

I didn’t want to make it too hard for you this year, so, the only thing on my list this year is 1 year paid leave from work. with bonus

Peace on earth would be nice, but not gaining 20 pounds over the holidays would be a Christmas miracle.

As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can’t be bought.

And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.

Giving me a Christmas ornament as a Christmas gift is like bringing vitamins to my funeral.

I know what I’m getting for Christmas … Fat. I’m getting fat.

Dear Santa, before I try to explain…. just how much do you already know?